领悟

Haven't been able to do a proper write up, as I've been very busy and tired everyday, rushing home after work just to Skype with Cassie as much as I can, as soon as I can.

Tonight, I finally have some time to write something, as she is busy at a wedding dinner. Hope everything is fine for her.

Was spending some time thinking on the train on the way home about us. Or to be exact, the way I am and how I treat her. It's an innate thing for me to be insecure and worried when it comes to relationships. It might have stemmed from the fact that Michelle had played me out once, even when I had forewarned her; or it could be simply due to the fact that I do not trust easily. A recurring thought keeps playing in my head- why would Cassie love me? However when we were together, I pushed this thought away, largely due to the fact that she was around me, so what did I have to worry of? Now that she's away, I keep thinking about this question. I guess if I do not get an answer that I think is plausible, I would always keep thinking about it..

Doubts creep in to me whenever we are separated. I worry that she would turn into Michelle, where she tries to two time me. However, Cassie reassures me often that this would not happen. Took some time to think through this matter, and I found myself with a daunting possibility- that even if she did, I would not have any knowledge about it.

So what could be done for me, in my shoes?

Nothing.

To be exact, nothing MORE that I can do. The only thing that I can do is to treat her right and nice (which I believe I do), and anything more would depend on her. There's no way that I can control her 24/7, especially since she's overseas. I just have to trust her enough that she is old enough to make the right decisions, and not hurt me or the relationship.

That's such a Zen way of thinking things. Hahaha. I wonder if I would be able to keep much to this train of thought.

I miss you, darling.

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