It's the end?

The past few days have been a flurry of events. Many things have happened ever since the homecoming of the girlfriend. In essence, we broke up due to a breakdown in communication. And probably many other small things.

I won't deny that I might have done things better in some ways, but I am very certain that what I have done is the best that I do. And I do everything for a reason.

When she was in Langkawi, I was insistent on knowing when her flight back was, and wanted updates on her life and schedules. But apparently her mum didn't think she needed to contact me at all. Just cause they were together. Which brought to my mind, then why does she feel the constant need to make her daughter update her on her whereabouts, when she was obviously with me, in Singapore?

Because she worries. Even when her daughter was with me, she worries.

And so, why can't she understand that I worry too? I want to know that she is fine, just like you as parents are. Cause I loved her as much as you all do. And it hurts that you all don't see it the way I do. Will sending an SMS out to pacify her boyfriend cost you a fortune?

Would you guys prefer if she had a boyfriend who was possessive in such sense to want to know what was happening to her, or would you prefer a boyfriend who didn't give a hoot about her whereabouts?

You worry; but I do too.

Her dad was upset about the 'both sides of the hand are flesh' issue. I told him, it was a metaphor that was used by her daughter. Not me. But to him, he felt that their 21 years of looking after her was much more important than the 21 months we spent together. Of course, I'm just directly quoting what he mentioned.

But what IS the difference? Do you think I do not love her as much as you guys do? It ain't about the period. It's about the proximity of two people. And I dare to say that what I have done for her ain't less than what you have done for her, barring that you guys did create her.

I send her home almost every night, barring times when we were in my house area. And I dare to say that that's at least 80 percent of the time, that I send her home. Why? Because I worry. I know that if anything bad befalls on her, it will forever be on my conscience. What if she got molested? What if she got robbed? And that it is why I send her home no matter how tired I am. And after that I would bus home, as I would want to save the money for her to cab when she's in my area.

I get her to tell me the taxi driver's name and cab number. Yes this is strange. But what harm is there in doing so? If you are going to message and let me know that you are missing me, taking an extra minute to see the information and letting me know won't hurt. Because what will happen if something happens to her? What if just because she went home alone, she encountered a case of kidnapping?

Yes, I may be thinking too much, but isn't it always better to err on the side of caution? If something really happened, that simple gesture will be the lifesaving grace.

Is it wrong to tell my girlfriend not to put make up? Yes, she may feel inferior on that day, as she has a bad pimple breakout, but the thing is, I do not feel a need to. I love her just the way she is - her natural self, with no make up. I love her for who she is, not how and what she is. I love her without make up just as much as I love her with it. And that's why to me, there is no need for her to put any make up on when she is out with me, especially if it's just to somewhere nearby.

Granted, I may not be the perfect boyfriend, but hey, who will ever be perfect? I admit that there are things that I have not done for her, like our scrapbook, that has always been on the back-burner because there are always other stuff to do. But I believe I've been a boyfriend who has done his part well.

Yes, I may have raised the issue of asking her if she wants to break up. Maybe too often for her parent's liking, but then again, I have always been brutally honest in this relationship. I believe that when things happen, it happens for a reason. And if I feel that it could be because she wants to break up, then I'll just say so. But never once in this relationship have I asked her to break up.

Her dad was saying that I was not suitable for her. Based on just the quarrel that we had. Honestly, that's a myopic view of things. Yes, you asked her why she was sad, but have you ever asked why she was happy?

So I talked to my dad and friends, and everyone agrees, that a relationship should just be based on two people, and not dictated by parents. Sure you can raise your displeasure, but it should always be in a supporting role of the situation.

Delia asked me, if you get back together, what will you do different? I told her nothing. Not that I think I am perfect, but because that this is the way I love. I check on you cause I care, I worry cause I love you. You may think it's chauvinist, but then again, would you want someone who totally ignores your safety and well-being?

And what have I done wrong? I asked the girlfriend, but there was no answer.

And her parents encouraged her to ignore me for the past 2 days. Seriously, what is the meaning of this? To let her cheer up and put someone in agony? I would think that if in your heart I was immature in some sense, this action of yours is immature too.

There are many things typed in here that I never got to explaining to her or her family. And so I chose to blog, in the minute possibility that someone will read and vindicate me of the blame.

But I end this relationship knowing I have done the best that I could, and if the parents think that there will be someone more suitable, then I wish them the best of luck in finding one.

Nonetheless, I keep the memories of:

Sending her home every time without fail
Ensuring her safety by checking on her periodically
Prepping her for her interview
The celebration of her entering her school
The celebration of my award in studies
The celebration of landing a job
Cooking and eating
Sleeping
Talking nonsensical stuff without any worries
Minute planning for the future

deep within my heart. There are many things that are memories that I will keep for life, good or bad, sweet or sad.

I am sad that it has to end. But if you think it is for the good of your daughter then by all means. I want the best for her too.

I know that deep down, I have done the best that I can be.

And deep down she knows it too.

Deep down, she knows that she still loves me, even if it is not meant to be.

I love her too, but alas, I guess it doesn't matter any more, does it?

What will be, will be.

If you love me as much as you think you do, you will fight to be with me. Cause if you do, I will too.

To the special you:

I know that you will read this blog one day, but when exactly, I won't know. If you ever do, please drop an SMS and let me know. I have promised your dad not to contact you for a few months to let you chill, and I plan to uphold that promise. But if you have seen my point of view, that will be the best thing that can happen to me now.

Thank you for being a part of my life. If life was a railway station, I thank you for boarding my train. But it's sad that you have to go so soon. I will never understand how things just turned from good to worst in 1 week. But it is your life, it is your decision. I respect it, just as how I've been telling you how I will.

And let me say the sacred 3 words to you once more.

I

LOVE

YOU.

With this, I end my post. I have made known my stance, I have explained my actions.